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Old 29-07-2008, 13:43   #1
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Steven Seagal in Kill Switch (2008)

I can't actually decide whether this was truly the worst film I've ever seen or it was so bloody awful, that I couldn't take my eyes off it.

So it goes, Seagal with the strength of ten bears, goes around beating up geriatrics and kids half his size, whilst throwing them around like ragdolls, with narray a scratch on them - or him - he's Seagal.

Remarkable stuff, even more impressive is the overly long fight/gun sequences, which coupled with a director with ADHD doesn't really do much other than to serve than extreme annoyance, especially during a "shoot out" and the other geezer hears a police siren and pegs it into the open making himself easy pickings for Seagal.

Thing is, Seagal actually holds his gun like it really doesn't matter because he's Seagal, he doesn't need guns. He'll walk through bullets then the camera will do some mad ADHD effect and the poor sap on the end of the beating will find themselves, thrown around like some demented rodeo.

In his spare time, or in between him "interrogating" people, Seagal's character solves a cypher (looking like someone doing a crossword puzzle) designed by some "intelligent astrology type" criminal, by the end he's in bed with some woman who wasn't introduced until well... the end.

Do yourself a favour, value your time and don't watch this tripe - unless you wanna laugh at how bad this Seagal DTV offering really is.
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Old 29-07-2008, 13:45   #2
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Steven Seagal.... the only actor who's more wooden than a forest.
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Old 29-07-2008, 13:46   #3
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Cant be worse than Pistol Whipped. I felt id reached anew low i was watched the fatman brag about the size of his knob
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Old 29-07-2008, 13:47   #4
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I've not had the (mis)fortune of seeing that, but this was truly abysmal.

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Old 29-07-2008, 13:58   #5
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Have you seen Out For A Kill? Now there is a truly abysmal film. Stunt doubles all over the gaff and he doesnt even use his own voice in half the scenes. So bad i couldnt laugh. Plus it recycles the titles of his better earlier films.

Ive not seen Attack Force or Submerged and probably wont either.
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Old 29-07-2008, 14:31   #6
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Belly Of The Beast and Urban Justice are worth a look. In Belly Of The Beast Seagal walks around kicking ass in his pyjamas for the entire film and in Urban Justice he kicks the ass out of a whole black gangsta' neighbourhood whilst shouting 'Who killed ma son!'

Whilst both aren't exactly great they are 2 of the better films from his DTV output (though admittedly that's not saying much)

Anyone seen Into The Sun ? I heard that's one of his more respectable DTV's but haven't got around to seeing it yet.
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Old 29-07-2008, 14:35   #7
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Urban Justice was worth a watch for eddie Griffiths shameless Tony Montanaesque gangsta and for the massive squibs going of in every gunfight - 1 bullet=room coated in blood

Into The Sun ate a dick.
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Old 29-07-2008, 14:40   #8
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They show a seemingly endless parade of straight to video films on Channel 5, last one I saw seemed to have a supporting cast entirely made up of actors who used to be in Coronation Street.

I won't have a word said about Under Siege though, I had many a happy teenage moment to that bit where the bird jumps out of the cake.

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Old 29-07-2008, 14:59   #9
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My tape seemed to be a bit worn round about that point...
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Old 29-07-2008, 15:13   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harsin View Post
They show a seemingly endless parade of straight to video films on Channel 5, last one I saw seemed to have a supporting cast entirely made up of actors who used to be in Coronation Street.

I won't have a word said about Under Siege though, I had many a happy teenage moment to that bit where the bird jumps out of the cake.
Under Siege is ace, so is Under Siege 2 which has the funniest ending ever when Seagal has to escape from a crashing train but instead of running like a maniac he just jogs Everett McGill and Eric Bogosian are fun villains too.

I really like most of Seagals stuff up until Exit Wounds, been a fan since a teenager. Probably why even now I suffer through his horrible DTV's in just the slightest hope that he might make something good again. Some ******* chance so far
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Old 29-07-2008, 15:25   #11
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Under Siege is great fun but his career high point has to be as Gino Fellino in Out For Justice. Great fights and absolutely brilliant dialogue from Seagal -"when you were suckin your thumbs your brother was around town suckin dicks" and the funniest baddie fight ever between Seagal & William Forsythe where Seagal totally totally destroys him
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Old 29-07-2008, 15:34   #12
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Speaking as a film-buff I find it instructive that something like Under Seige is endlessly re-watchable, whereas (say) the Seventh Seal is something which most normal folk would have trouble watching once.
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Old 29-07-2008, 15:39   #13
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Belly Of The Beast and Urban Justice are worth a look.

Those are his only direct to DVD films worth watching. Anything else that comes out has to compared to them IMO.
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Old 29-07-2008, 15:39   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bosque
Speaking as a film-buff I find it instructive that something like Under Seige is endlessly re-watchable, whereas (say) the Seventh Seal is something which most normal folk would have trouble watching once.
How do they even compare? One is a classic and the other is death playing chess

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Old 29-07-2008, 16:28   #15
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Those are his only direct to DVD films worth watching. Anything else that comes out has to compared to them IMO.
I think Belly of the beast was appalling so I dread to think what he latest stuff is like. The only films I like is his early ones and up to Under Siege 2.
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Old 29-07-2008, 19:21   #16
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Seagal is always worth watching for a laugh.

Agree about the jogging on the train in US2
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Old 29-07-2008, 19:28   #17
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Greatest picture ever?

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Old 29-07-2008, 19:47   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SIMON ADEBISI View Post
Have you seen Out For A Kill? Now there is a truly abysmal film. Stunt doubles all over the gaff and he doesnt even use his own voice in half the scenes. So bad i couldnt laugh. Plus it recycles the titles of his better earlier films.
Oh god, that one is so bad it's one of only two films I refuse to watch again. Pistol Whipped wasn't too bad though, it looked too dark but it had Lance Henriksen in it so it's not all bad.

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Old 29-07-2008, 20:13   #19
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I love wistful
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Old 29-07-2008, 20:19   #20
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Slightly OT, but can anyone point me in the direction of the Keanu Reeves version of that poster?
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